Oracle’s secret business plan

So it is becoming more and more apparent that Oracle wants to kill Java. The big question I was pondering the last couple of days is why? Isn’t this totally counterintuitive? After all, most of Oracle’s business is based on Java. Right? We need to start thinking outside of the box.

The most important clue to the solution I got from my own job. Basically, the directive is to not produce any code, to avoid introducing bugs. (I am exaggerating, but you get the idea. And honestly, I am not that good at not producing code.) Just think about it. We all know that each and every piece of software is buggy. The only reasonable conclusion to draw is that in order to become bug free, we need to stop producing code. (If that sounds funny to you, just look at Microsoft. At some point in 200x they decided to re-start producing code. Vista. Win7. IE8. The end result was a long line of failure.) So in order to become successful, the only real way to go is to hire as many people as possible that don’t produce any code (those are the highest paid guys because they manage to resist the natural urge to churn out code). Just imagine what hassle that would save you. Your software will be the smallest, fastest, most portable and most importantly, most bugfree piece on earth. It will run on about every device, however fast you want it and never fail. The key here is that you need an army of marketing people who provide a suitable definition of ‘run’. But then again, if you look at some of the most successful software companies in the world, this is exactly the setup. As many software gurus as possible that don’t code anything plus an army of marketing guys. (And for other reasons, an army of lawyers..)

Now, how is that related to Oracles latest moves? Easy, they want to *really* make sure nobody ever produces any more code by killing Java. I believe it suddenly all makes sense now. I suspected for a couple of days already they would be more clever than everybody else and have a *really* smart business plan behind all this. They kill Java, by doing so make sure that nobody produces any more code (except of their poor competitors Microsoft who don’t use Java) and most importantly they themselves don’t produce any more code. The overall relative quality of their products will skyrocket and the end result will be LOTS of $$$ — which is the only thing that counts for Oracle (even more than other shareholder owned companies).

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6 Responses to Oracle’s secret business plan

  1. Mario Torre says:

    It makes completely sense to me 😀

  2. Strange that this fine piece of software is not yet bought by Oracle…

  3. Mario Torre says:

    Actually this NaDa thingy is a pretty useful tool:

    echo -n $(cat NaDa_0.5)

    It will print a new line! So it does something! 😀

  4. chaotic3quilibrium (Jim O'Flaherty, Jr.) says:

    Interesting point of view. It correlates strongly with the idea of a CFO attempting to be a CEO. Typically, that’s disastrous as the CFO’s nature is to prefer cutting costs over finding ways to elevate revenue. The numbers the CFO feels confident controlling and influencing are the cost related elements. Those revenue elements, that’s the magic that happens in the sales and marketing department which he ends up deprioritizing, underfunding and eventually undermines the revenue part of the equation while producing the ultimate in efficient (not effective) cost controlled mechanism that would make balance sheet scanners piss their investment pants. You can show “growth” if you can drop the costs faster than your revenue drops. However, the show ends when the costs just cannot be dropped faster than revenue.

    So, I can see some relevance in what you are saying. Oracle attempts to inhibit competition by making it more difficult to use Java and Java-like things. If Oracle can get Google to concede ground, I can totally imagine Larry Ellison rubbing his hands together as a “legal general” in front of his attorney team and preparing his attack on the Microsoft infringing .NET/C# product set. That battle will make the Oracle/Google war pale to insignificance.

    I SO hope Larry Ellison and Steve Ballmer retire soon. We need their tired old skool a$$es to move on and let the new techie generation manage their own affairs. Here’s hoping that FLOSS will end up tearing both organizations asunder using the patent sabotaging GPL3.

  5. Mario Torre says:

    Very interesting comment

  6. Na'an Ofyabiznz says:

    I want to know that you are smoking!

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